Game: Into the Vortex

A Doctor Who Expansion game. Holbenilord will GM. Pinguinus will play as Sir Peter of Burgonshire and Toothless will play as Blist Fel-Fotch Passameer-Day Slitheen.

GAME
Beginning.

Sir Peter's Quest
Sir Peter's Quest!

1
''As he trots slowly along the forest paths, Sir Peter encounters a number of vile outlaws with short bows blocking his way. They point their weapons at you.''

2
I run one of them through with my long sword, rolling a 4. "You shalt disperse," I say grandly, "Before I send every one of thee to an untimely Hell."

3
''The man dies, falling to the ground. The others hesitate, lowering their bows slightly. "Who might you be?" One asks, wearing a feathered cap.''

4
"I am Sir Peter, the high-born knight of Burgonshire. Art thou the head of this band of knaves?"

5
"Indeed, sir. I am of noble birth myself, being the rightful Earl of Huntingdon, Robert of Locksley, cast out by the evil Sherriff of those parts. May I humbly request to join you on your quest?"

6
"I have heard of such things, though never outside of a peasant folk tale. Come hither with me to Castle Burgonshire; it is a fair place, and its rulers are just. Mayhaps we shalt find a path to reinstate thy nobility."

7
''"Surely I could never thank you enough for such a deed!" He exclaims, warmly snaking your hand. You notice his is rather dirty. "However, first I must tell you of strange happenings within this very forest."''

8
"Strange happenings? Pray tell me."

9
"Men disappear into thin air, metal things move across the sky, and exotic fires light up the trees. Unnatural beasts prowl between the great oaks, which moan frighteningly under more than one moon."

10
Sir Peter withdraws his hand. "Such things happen not," he says, "the Lord God prevents all such blasphemies in His land."

11
''"Perhaps the evil one stalks the land, or the lord tests us in his wisdom." The man shrugs. "It would be better for you to see these things for yourself."''

12
"Methinks thou hath lost thy wit. Even so, I would have thee show me what thou speak of."

13
"I would attempt to dissuade you from your scepticism, but what you shall witness will speak for itself."

''He leads you down the path, and you reach a number of bodies. Most are human- some are large raptors.''

14
"God Almighty," I gasp, "Where did these brutes come from?" (When you say raptors, do you mean dinosaurs or birds of prey?)

15
''(Whoops, dinosaurs.) The outlaw only shrugs. "These are only the most numerous of the abominations. We have also met short men with heads which are wrinkled like a nut, and who shoot little balls of fire that kill without burning. This can only be the evil one's doing- may the lord save us all."''

16
"I apologize for doubting thy word," I say after a minutes pause, "I now see that witchcraft of the most terrible sort is being practiced in our fair wood. With the help of thee and thy men, I would purge these demons from Burgonshire."

17
''"I can only humbly accept, kind sir. Our bows are yours." There is a kind of distortion in the air up ahead.''

18
"Let us investigate yonder air distortion." I start riding towards it.

19
''They follow, reluctantly. However, just before you reach it, a flock of small pterosaurs shoot out and fly up above your head.''

20
I attempt to slice one in half, but the wicked die landed on a 1.

21
''They fly off, unabashed. Your followers murmur distressedly.''

''You enter the distortion, and there is a sensation like you have stepped into a hurricane. After a moment of darkness, you find yourself in a Cretaceous forest, still on your horse. A large quetzalcoatlus observes you curiously.''

22
"Tis a rather distressing occurence." I glance about the unfamiliar forest. "This is not Burgonshire."

23
"That can be said for sure. What now?"

24
What is the area like?

25
''Heavily forested. Primitive magnolias fill the spaces between tall spruces and conifers. It is dusk, and a red glow fills the wood. A spherical metal capsule glints in the light.''

26
To the metal capsule I go.

27
''(It's a Sontaran scout ship) The door of the capsule is open, but it is empty inside. Many flashing lights illuminate its interior. A strange flag is planted just outside.''

28
I search the ship. "Search the area," I shout, "Let no blasphemous creatures evade our blades."

29
''Your group spread out, and one finds a nest of small eggs in the lower branches of a tree. They seem unguarded.''

30
"Do devils lay eggs?" I wonder aloud. I pick one up, and dash it on a rock.

31
''A raptor embryo falls out. A small mammal dashes out from the magnolias to grab it, and then runs off.''

"That's not like any animal I have ever seen."

Further along the road, you see a partially dismembered Sontaran.

32
Is its armour intact? "It is said that a man of God can wearest a demons pelt, and he will not be burnt."

33
''The armour is intact, though a bit small for you. A sontaran blaster lies nearby.''

34
I pick up the blaster, and wave it around. I pullest the trigger. :P

35
''A bolt of red (whatever) shoots out and blows a tree up. Startled birds take off and fly away.''

36
I shriek, drop the weapon, and jump backwards. After a minute of self-composure, I pick it up again. "The Lord hath blessed us with fire of our enemies. We knowest we shalt succeed by His grace!"

37
"Indeed, my lord. Though surely no good can come of satanic alchemy."

A ball of bright light appears in the sky, descending.

38
"Tis an angel. The Lord God hath sent a sign that we shouldst continue on our quest. Methinks this weapon is divine, not satanic."

39
There is an enormous rush of air as the spaceship comes to land a few hundred metres away.

"We must go and see this angel, my lord."

40
"Most assuredly." I ride towards the angel (I mean, the starship)

41
''(It's a Rutan ship) A number of hovering and shining green blobs surround the vessel, which glows extremely bright. They seem to have noticed you, and are descending.''

43
I kneel before them. "Angels of God, I hath come to this place on a Perilous quest. For demons hath come to our wood; short, wrinkled creatures, which wield weapons such as this. Hath thou come to aide us on our quest?"

44
''One of the Rutans speaks. "We seek to destroy these vermin also. How would you assist us?"''

45
"We have courage. Moreover, we hath discovered a fiendish capsule. Methinks they hath come forth from there."

46
"Those are how they move from place to place. If you lead us to this capsule, we shall reward you greatly."

47
"Yes, lord angel." I start walking towards the capsule.

48
''Once there, the Rutan hands you a lightning pistol. "Thank you for your assistance." The capsule is transmatted away with a flash.''

''The Rutan thinks for a moment. "This is not your home time, human."''

49
"A satanic spell stripped me from my home time."

Blist's Introduction
''You are on board your ship, flying near to a rocky planet called Earth, when suddenly there is darkness. You awake on a forest floor, surrounded by wreckage, with a Deinonychus poking your arm.''

I grab the Deinonychus, decapitate it, then put my skin suit on, seeing as this is Earth.

'' Congratulations, you win the dino-killer achievement! You see a bright light up ahead. ''

I walk towards the bright light.

''It's the Rutan spaceship. You see Rutans, a knight, and Robin Hood with his Merry Men.''

I approach them, and ask who they are, what species they are, what are they doing, and is this Earth?

Together
''Turning to face the intruder, the Rutan recoils slightly. "Slitheen. This is indeed Earth. Our business is none of yours."''

1
I draw my new lightning pistol (holding it backwards). "Thou shalt obey the angel, friend human."

2
Deciding that my alien form is stronger, and it is pointless trying to hide my identity from Rutans, I unzip my skin suit. If any of Ping's merry men try to attack me, I have six 'swords' on my hands. (BTW, can Holben make some Slitheen firearms?)

3
(Alright.) The Merry Men are extremely surprised and point their bows at the Blist, but the Rutan moves into the way and they lower them.

"This alien might be useful, humans. Wait."

4
"Alien? Is it an angel or a devil?"

5
Understanding that Sir Someone of Somewhere is an extremely primitive human, I reply, "I am from a family of devils, but have changed my way. If I could learn of your quest, I could help you."

6
"We hunt Sontarans. They were attracted here by a major time flux that produced at least five time corridors."

7
"The devils still exist? Then let us destroy them!"

8
"Primitive being, Sontarans are worse than devils. They are a sworn enemy of Raxacoricofallapatorians, after their attempted invasion of Raxacoricofallapatorius, which of course we thwarted. I will happily dispose of them."

I take hold of my Compressor Rifle in one hand, and my Compressor Pistol in the other (I can do that, right?).

9
(Sure) "Good, good. We do not know which corridors they have gone through, but we know at least one division has arrived."

10
"Lead me to this corridor, and I shalt vanquish thy foes!" I accidentally shoot myself in the foot with the lightning pistol, dealing 30 damage to myself. I am also stunned.

11
I drop my Compressor Pistol, take the Lightning Pistol, and place it back in Sir Peter's hand, the right way round. Then, I look at the Rutans.

"Lead the way."

12
''One of the Rutans produces a salve from within its... whatever, and rubs it into Sir Peter's forehead. Within moments, he is restored.''

"Follow."

The Rutans begin to move towards a distortion in the air, and then disappear.

13
"I recognize that!" I cheerfully ride through it.

14
I briefly consider decapitating a Merry Man, but decided they are many and I am one. I step through the time corridor.

15
''You re-emerge by a motorway, with cars shooting past. The Rutans assume human forms. "We have detected several Sontarans in this area."''

16
"Tis a strange place, to be sure. Lead us onward, angels."

17
I climb back into my skin suit. I then pick up my Compressor Pistol and Rifle, and wait for the Rutans to move on.

18
''They begin to move when a red bolt flies out from nowhere, narrowly missing one. "Into cover!" One shouts, but there isn't much around. The sontarans are on the other side of the road.''

19
I roll 5, 1, 6. After armour... 72 damage on one of them.

20
It's a bit annoying my compressor is only one shot per turn, but I get a six and a two. 110 damage to one (before armour).

21
''One is killed by your combined efforts. The other two Sontarans manage to bring down a Rutan, and in reply the Rutans get... one hit with a lightning pistol, stunning a Sontaran.''

22
I stare in horror at the dead Rutan. "Angels are immortal." I fire at the Sontarans, badly shaken. 6, 6, 2, making for 72 damage on one of them.

23
I score a hit with my Compressor Rifle, for 70 damage (before armour). I roll a 3 for my pistol :(

24
''Another Sontaran down. The remaining one is stunned, and is brought down by Rutan fire.''

One of the Rutans pours a fluid over the body of its dead comrade, and it dissolves away.

"The Sontarans in this area have been destroyed. We move on."

"Wait. Temporal readings are showing anomalous flux. Our vessel is coming to us."

''Just as the ship came through the distortion, the corridor closes, slicing the rear end off. The ship explodes with a bright white light, and flames cascade out onto the motorway, causing a massive pile-up.''

25
"Tell me, angels," I say suspiciously, "What was the purpose of yonder explosion?"

26
"Are we stranded in this time period now?"

27
''The Rutan spokesperson sighs. "The explosion was a demonstration of our power."''

''It turns to Blist. "For now, yes. The corridors may reappear soon."''

28
I point my blaster at the Rutan. "Angels do not die, nor can they become stranded. I desire the truth, knaves."

29
"Put the gun down, stupid human. Having encountered Sontarans, I know the Rutans too. Make a move against them, and you and your Merry Men are dead."

To the Rutans: "Where to now?"

30
''The Merry Men seem to have run off. Their short bows lie on the ground.''

''One of the Rutans takes the Sontaran blaster from Sir Peter's hands in a swift motion. "We are Rutans. All you need to know is that you are currently on the right side."''

To Blist: "For now, we take care of..."

''It stops talking as the grinding sound of ancient engines is heard. Vworp. Vworp. Vworp...''

31
I snatch my gun back, rather sulkily. I fix Blist with a loathing scowl.

32
I fix Peter with a menacing stare, then turn in surprise as something appears out of nowhere (is it a police box?)

33
''It is indeed a police box! Once fully materialised, the door swings open, and no-one comes out.''

''The Rutans murmur among themselves. One walks over to you. "We know of this device. It belongs to an old... acquiantance of ours, who uses this vehicle to travel through time and space."''

34
"Is this acquaintance an ally or a fiend?"

35
"An enemy. I too recognise this box of tricks. I have even heard it is bigger on the inside."

36
"Ally... enemy... he is as changeable as time. We cannot afford to refuse an escape route, however."

37
I go forth, and enter the blue box (still on horseback).

38
I go forth, and enter the blue box (not on horseback :P)

39
Once you are all inside, a shimmery hologram appears.

"Hello. I'm the Doctor. You're here because I'm in a spot of bother- and, well, you are too but that will be solved in short order. Ok. I need you to activate the TARDIS, and get it to home in on- what? Oh. The TARDIS is this time machine, Time and Relative Dimension in Space, bigger on the inside and all that. And as I was saying, you have to get it to home in on the source of the temporal fluctuation anomaly field, which is causing these time corridors through some pretty crazy wibbly-wobbly stuff which is not at all important right now.

"The important thing is that with each appearance, the destination of each time corridor is getting closer and closer to a certain location in the year 2009, where a previous incarnation of myself was battling a race of extremely mean and vicious aliens who want to destroy the Earth and everything on it. It's vitally important that this does not happen. So get the TARDIS to find the source and, well, shut it down! I'll turn up as soon as it's sorted. Stuff to do, people to deal with."

''The hologram fades away. A large red arrow appears above the console, pointing at a lever on it.''

40
Did you mean lever or level? If it is a lever, I pullest it, muttering about ghosts.

41
If it is a lever, I wait to see what happens when Peter pulls it.

42
''After the lever is pulled (not sure where that typo came from), the TARDIS begins to shake and you are forced to hold on to something as it enters the time vortex. It sways from side to side, throwing you around and causing general distress.''

''And then it stops, and the central column falls still. The TARDIS scanner turns on and you see a metal room outside.''

43
"Tis a most distressing day." I step outside, blaster at the ready.

44
I step out too.

45
''And you are now in a metal room! The floor vibrates slightly, and there is a low thrumming from beyond a doorway just on the far wall. Light pours through also.''

46
I go through the doorway on the far wall.

47
I stand back, so that if anything nasty is through the door, Peter dies first.

48
Just as Peter begins to go through, the Doctor appears and blocks his way.

"Hello! You got my message, how wonderful. No need to worry now, it's all fine, everything dealt with."

''From within the room comes a female voice. "No, it's just got angrier."''

''The Doctor turns and sighs. "Well, it's not important. It's no problem to-"''

Both the time lord and Peter are thrown down by the Mi-Go that barrels through into the TARDIS.

49
I clamber to my knees, and fire into the TARDIS. 5, 5, 6. Three hits on the Mi-Go!

50
(Don't fire into the TARDIS! Temporal Grace is a clever lie!)

Having just said that, I roll a 2 and a 1, scoring a hit with my Compressor Rifle, and (oops) missing with my pistol.

51
The Mi-Go is brought down by your fire, and slumps down on the TARDIS console.

''"Ah, well done." Says the Doctor, getting to his feet. "Now, into the TARDIS! No need to see what was in that room back there! In we go!"''

He pushes you all, including the Rutans, into the TARDIS.

''"Take care of things, will you, River?" He shouts.''

"Certainly, dear."

''"Then off we go!" He pulls a few levers and twists a few buttons, and the TARDIS is off through space again. The Mi-go corpse is thrown around the room.''

52
As I tumble about the room, narrowly avoiding the Mi-Go corpse, I manage to shout "Knave! Thou hath better have a fair explanation for these fel happenings!"

53
I hold onto the railing (BTW, wouldn't the Doctor think I'm evil, being a Slitheen and all?)

54
(He's not so judgemental) "Explanations, eh? Well, the central chronotronic conductor of a Zabreen ritual planetismal space-time converter was sabotaged and caused a phase change in the centro-temporal interface of its futuric relays, resulting in extreme temporal flux with directed endpoints and a fixed event matrix, generating a causality loop allowing several inhabitants of the Nether dimensions to gain access to the main body of the universe. They then tried to open up a passage to the most recent Dalek invasion of the Earth and unleash terror upon the stars. How was that, oh knight?"

''He turns to Blist. "Sorry, have we met?"''

55
I sigh. "Where art we traveling now? And what mayest I call thee?"

56
"I don't think so. But I've heard legends of you, Doctor. Lord of Time, The Oncoming Storm, Destroyer of Worlds... you go by many names. You foiled the Slitheen attempt to sell earth as fuel. I cannot say I wish revenge, because if Sir Peter is anything to go by, those six billion lives might have been worth saving."

57
''"Seven billion now. Soon. Now. But yeah, I'm the Doctor, that's me!" He waves. "Now, where shall I drop you off?"''

58
"Burgonshire, if it suits thee."

59
"I need to return to my ship. Sometime in Earth history called the Cretaceous by humans, I believe."

60
''"Tally-ho then!" He pulls a different combination of levers and spins a wheel, and the TARDIS begins to groan and grind again. As you are thrown around, one of the Rutans notices something.''

"Where's the body of the fungoid?"

61
I look around for it.

62
So do I.

63
''It is not visible. The TARDIS lands and the doors open and the Doctor forces you all out. "Nice meeting you, now things to deal with. Robin Hood just told me he was trapped in the Cretaceous! That man."''

Looking around, you find yourself surrounded by men with guns, as the TARDIS dematerialises behind you.

''"Who are you?" One demands.''

64
"I am Sir Peter, high-born knight of Burgonshire. Might I inquire of the time...?"

65
I skewer one of them and leave it to die. "Who are you, and when is this?" I ask.

66
''They all turn their guns on Blist and fire. There are a lot of hits and you should be dead but we'll just leave you unconscious.''

"Hello, Peter. Sorry about that... creature. We are soldiers of the Time Agency, and you are on board our Primary Timebase, which is hidden inside the Time Vortex where clocks don't mean much."

''One of the Rutans drips some gel on Blist that restores her to half health. "Remain still." It whispers.''

''"Rutans, eh?" Their commander scratches his head. "We'd better get you off quickly, or they'll be a diplomatic incident."''

67
"Canst thou return me unto my home time? An unearthly physician hath most cruely stranded me in this place."

68
"Get me back to my ship now. The Destroyer of Worlds is as bad at flying through time as people say he are."

69
''"Hey!" The Commander stares at Blist. "You're supposed to be dead!"''

"I guess I could, but first I'll have to remove all your memories of being here."

70
"Wipe... my memories? Name thy purpose, knave!"

71
It'll only get me into trouble, but I roll a 4 and a 2 with my guns, and skewer the Commander for good measure.

72
The force field around Blist absorbs all these attacks.

''"Kragging Slitheen." He spits at you. He then turns to Peter. "No-one from a primitive society can be allowed to know of the Time Agency."''

73
I think for a moment. "I hath seen evils greater than anything I hath seen before. I now knowest that there art more things in Heaven and Earth than I had ever dreamt of in my philosophy. I dost wonder; dost thy Time Agency employ warriors such as myself? If so, then knowest that thou eternally hath my sword- wand, gun, whatever this infernal object is."

74
I request more politely to be returned to my ship in the Cretaceous Period of Earth History.

75
"You want to join us, eh? Can be done. What are you willing to do to prove your loyalty to the cause?"

''He glares at Blist. "Why should we do you any favours?"''

76
"I am not a man of words; tis in battle I excel. Face me towards thy enemies, and I shalt prove my merit."

77
I honestly have no idea. Maybe because a Slitheen spaceship becoming fossilised in the Cretaceous could mess up Earth's timeline... REAPERS!

78
"Very well, knight. Though first, you must go through all training a normal time agent would."

"Fine, Slitheen. We will send you back. After wiping your memories."

79
"Very well." Under my breath: "After this whole adventure, I become a mere page once more."

80
"Fine."

81
And it is so.

END

Peter gains a Vortex Manipulator, a Compact Laser Deluxe, a Time Agency badge and 400c.

Blist gains 100c and is returned to her ship.